C&T’s CHOC’n’ MALT SAUCE

It’s hard to find a decent store-bought choccy sauce. Hersey’s cheap, compound extraction tastes very similar to  disappointment (like having sex with a blow up doll, and after you’ve cum, acknowledging that you’ve just has sex with piece of plastic, that for the most part, shares little resemblance to a human-being). I wouldn’t piss on Cottee’s Chocolate Syrup, though if I did, it might be considered progress, and I haven’t tried Bickford’s, so, for arguments sake, I’ll just assume that it falls short in the satisfaction department also.

This small collection of frustrations are admittedly slight in the whole scheme of things; World War 3’s imminence, freedom being another word for ‘nothing left to lose’ and the loss of real music, but it is a frustration that I, and I’m sure some of you reading this, may be facing day to day.

Every cloud may not have a silver lining (another mis-rumour) but there is one vanilla cloud that I know of with a bittersweet bordering on sweet-sweet, coconut tinted, malt manipulated, cocoa sheathing.

Here’s how to indulge:

Take a small saucepan,

add a tablespoon of coconut oil,

then a heaped tablespoon of raw sugar,

then a heaped tablespoon of cocoa (organic preferably, pardon the wank),

then a teaspoon of malt extract and stir into a mess which will look like a nervous shit…but darker.

Finally add two tablespoons of fresh milk and stir until smooth.

Pour your sauce atop plain vanilla ice-cream (I recommend Peter’s Original).

-OR-

Stir into hot or cold milk to make your own heated/chilled treaty beverages.

The simple pleasures folks…the simple pleasures.